Well I lost 0.75lb at WI yesterday. Better than the 0.5lb I was expecting but still not breaking the 12 stone barrier. I am now 12 stone exactly. I'll do it next week for sure unless totm messes things up too much.
My husband thought 12 stone was brilliant - he is so encouraging and supportive, I am so lucky!
His encouragement got me thinking that I suppose I have done pretty well so far. Over 11 weeks I have lost 16lb. 4 weeks I have lost less than 1lb and 1 week was STS, but I have not had a single gain. As long as the scales keep heading in the right direction I don't mind how long it takes (for the moment anyway!)
I expect setbacks at some point (my holiday is in 4 weeks for starters!), but overall this losing weight malarkey has not been as hard as I thought it would be. I feel almost guilty typing this as I know from the boards and other people's blogs how hard weightloss can be, and I certainly don't wish to imply that their struggles are not valid or that I am any 'better' at losing weight than anyone else.
On reflection I think all is going well because my head is in the right place for this journey. I was never a yo-yo dieter. My weight has just climbed steadily over the past 15 years and I never tried to lose weight. I wanted to be slim but I didn't want to put in the effort, I knew that the two were ireconcilable so I never even bothered trying.
I have always thought that fad diets, pills and operations are not the answer for any but a tiny minority. Most people try and use them as a substitute for will power and it just does not work in the long run. Being overweight for 99% of the population is a simple equation of eating more energy than they use. There are always exceptions, (drugs, medical conditions etc) but many people just use these excuses to get out of taking responsibility for the way they are.
Until you get over that and say to yourself, 'I am obese because of my lifestyle. My weight is my responsibility' I don't know if it is possible to make a permanent change. Being obese does not make me or anyone else bad, ugly, despicable, unworthy or any of the adjectives we sometimes label ourselves with. Self-esteem and weight are intertwined in our heads but the former should not depend on the latter.
In my case I was lazy, and the rest of my life was so going so well that I had absolutely no mitigating excuses. I know I am incredibly lucky in life. My career is enjoyable but not unduly demanding, neither my husband nor I are worried about losing our jobs, I have my health and the people I love are healthy for the most part, I don't have children with all the attendant stress, I am in a stable, happy, long term marriage, I don't have money worries. I looked at myself and thought what excuses do I have for not losing weight? It is the thing about myself I dislike most so why not change it? The answer was I am lazy, I could do something about it if I wanted to. I have to WANT to.
I decided I did want to, simple as that. It was almost easy when I did it, so why didn't I do it years ago? I can only conclude I wasn't ready. I am finally in a place in my head where the deferred gratification of getting into and looking good in size 12 clothes is greater than the transitory gratification of a chocolate bar. If I can hold onto that mindset I will get there.
Maybe in the future this blog will become a repository of angst, but do you know what? I don't think it will. I think it is going to be a slow, steady path to goal, admittedly with a few blips and setbacks on the way, but overall it will happen. I know I can do it, I have decided I will do it, so I'm going to do it. It's as simple as that.
Hey there, thanks for you comment on my blog, really appreciated x
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